Friday, November 17, 2006

Game of the Week

Aren't you sick of having the Michigan-Ohio State game shoved down your throat? That Bowl Championship Series title game in January? It's really not that important because Michigan-Ohio State is this year's Game of the Century. Or at least until next week's Game of the Century. But we are here to tell you that we did select Saturday's battle between No. 1 and No. 2 as the Game of the Week. And our pigskin prophet, Mark Mathis, has returned to size this one up. So while you ponder if Maurice Clarett will be able to watch Saturday's clash between the Wolverines and Buckeyes from his jail cell, we bring you the man, who has fashioned an 8-2 record. Something tells us he's not a Michigan fan. Take it away Mark:

"How do you keep a Michigan player from jacking off? Paint his dong Scarlet and Gray, that way there's only a one-in-13 chance that he'll beat it.

Question: What's the difference between a University of Michigan fan and a carp?
Answer: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q: How many University of Michigan fans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, but he gets three credits.

Q: Where was O.J. hiding right before the famous white Bronco chase?
A: On the University of Michigan campus. That's the last place you would find a football player.

Q: Why do they throw out a sack of manure at University of Michigan weddings?
A: To keep the flies off the bride.

Q: Why don't University of Michigan fans let their kids play in sand boxes?
A: Because cats keep covering them up.

Q: Did you hear about the University of Michigan fan who locked his keys in his car?
A: He couldn't get his family out.

Q: Why do University of Michigan fans keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the University of Michigan campus?
A: A visitor.

Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the University of Michigan library?
A: Forty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.

Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of Michigan's football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.

Q: Do you know why the University of Michigan football team should change its name to the "Opossums"?
A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

Q: What does the average University of Michigan student get on his SAT?
A: Drool.

Q: What should you do if you find three University of Michigan fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.

General Schwarzkopf was walking through the desert during the Gulf War when he found a lamp on the ground. He picked it up, rubbed, and out came a genie. The genie said to the General, "I will grant you one wish." The General replied, "I wish that we will win this war. Here is a map of the desert and all the war parties. Please make us win the war." The genie responded, "I'm not that powerful of a genie. I cannot grant you that wish." "Well," the General responds, "then can you have University of Michigan win a bowl game this year?" After a moment, the genie says, "Let me see that map again."

Holy Cow do they get any bigger than this one! I have waited my entire life to predict No. 1 vs. No. 2. Oh, wait a minute, I already have! I predicted Ohio State to beat my Texas Longhorns, so I am going to ride these Buckeyes just like the Pony I never got for Christmas. If Stormin' Norman can't trust them, neither can I.

I am going with the Buckeyes at Ohio Stadium, 32-28. Look for skies to be cloudy with a temperature of 46 at kickoff. Now let's play some football!"

George Schroeder, Oklahoman: A rematch? You have got to be crazy! One Michigan-Ohio State game is enough (registration).

The M Zone: Simply put, one of the finest blogs out there. An endless supply of Wolverine goodies with the big game only hours away.

And because we have no dog in this fight, we can't forget our Buckeye blog buddies: Around The Oval and Buckeye Commentary.

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